quotesWith a directive to increase efficiency and reduce costs, we embarked on an ambitious process to improve the overall effectiveness of the government. We standardized on the Complete Software Suite and are expecting results soon.
quotesWe witnessed unprecedented levels of performance, availability, and business agility, and are maintaining a world-leading service reliability record while reducing latency by using the Complete Software Suite.
quotesWe found that the Complete Software Suite introduces the most revolutionary user interface, the most advanced software ever engineered, and true state-of-the-art technology that will change the way you think. They are years ahead of any thing else available today.

The Complete Software Suite ™ - all you will ever need

Computers are supposed to help you, not hinder you. Software should be easy and take care of everything, so you can go do something more fun! That is why we are offering the Complete Software Suite. You only need to know one thing: buy our product.

Busy! Busy! Busy!

You are soooooo busy. We know because you tell us that all the time! You have a lot going on in your life and you do not need to be wasting your precious time with complicated software. With the Complete Software Suite you can ease your fears and put your mind at rest. Feel the power of the software by relinquishing all control; and let it handle everything! And, you do not have to understand how any of it works (we certainly will not show you the code). You just have to put your complete trust and all your most sensitive data in the Complete Software Suite.

Simplify your digital lifestyle

"Hey wait", you say, "I do not need this product! I am already tech savvy and have all the gadgets". True, you may already have..

  • a portable music player that monitors your vital signs while you jog
  • a mobile phone with walkie-talkie, GPS pet tracker, web access, and email
  • an overpriced PDA with features you will never use
  • a home computer, a laptop, an ultra-light, AND an ultra-mobile
  • a watch that does more than tell time
  • that thing in the closet you can not bring yourself to throw away
Look, we know those gadgets make you feel important. And we want you to keep on buying them. But... make it easier on yourself; turn control of them over to us!

With the Complete Software Suite you can tie them altogether into one Complete Suite! Just imagine a world where all of your most vital and important information is controlled by a single piece of software. It is OK, you can trust us! (and our exclusive 3rd party vendors)

And, hey, do not forget about those big, important computers at work. You know, all that yucky complicated stuff like web servers, email, file storage, databases, firewalls, application servers, and all those crazy acronyms of networking. The Complete Software Suite can control those, too! Feel the freedom and the power by letting us handle everything. Imagine how easy life will be.

Single source your needs

Taking risks with your technology is dangerous. Stay nestled in our warm embrace, where it feels safe and we can command your every move. Having too many choices is confusing and you are too busy to understand them all. So, we make all the choices for you.

If you ever find you need something, (which we can not imagine, because we are smarter than you) then come back to us and we will give you several options of paying us for what you need. And you will have to come to us, because you have no choice. We make it easy by locking you into a single source for all your needs. We know what is best for you! You will not have to waste any time fiddling with software; just purchase one of our Upgrade Subscriptions! The more you pay, the more you get. Once you load our software, we will practically own all your technology, so you can relax. We will automatically update, with or with out your permission, whenever we see fit. We will also remotely monitor everything you do, to make sure you are not violating the license agreement. It is that easy!

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Enhanced

Bright colors and shiny objects

We include flashy graphics and bright colors that are fully customizable. Now that is total control and unlimited access! And you never have to use your keyboard; just point and click!

We provide the gooiest GUI, so you feel like you are in control. You actually see, right there in front of you, the heaps of features that we want you to have (we know best). You will never have to see that black screen with the creepy blinking cursor waiting for you to type something, ever again. All the simplest tasks are exposed but we bury the yucky details. If you think you may know what you are doing; and really feel like you need to "mess around" with the software; we give you some pretty buttons to push and knobs to turn. After using this once you can tell all your friends you are an expert. It is all good!

With our special Enhanced Feature Mode, choose the expert mode of any enhancement on the fly. You can choose: Hip, Very Hip, Tragically Hip, Techno-Savy, Teenage Angst, Happy Springtime, Dark and Gloomy, Politically Correct & Internationally Colorful, or the very popular Self Important Troll. You are in complete control of how your enhancement reflects your perceptions of yourself. And as a very special bonus, we have added Disrespectful Communication Mode. All correspondence you write will be top-posted; in all caps; and automatically tricked out with gobs of html tags, images, and annotated with the latest emoticons.

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Secure

Feel safe

Look, we are the smartest people we know (much smarter than you), so you do not have to think. We do that for you. And, we have thought of everything. If we tell you everything is fine, then it must be. Release all you anxiety and let the software tell you what you need.

Now, we know the world is full of bad people who write computer viruses and send out spam. Do not worry, we have been throwing money at those problems for years and we know how to appear that we are beating back those meanies!

To make sure you feel completely secure we include our Triple Protection icons of battle shields, padlocks, and walls of fire with every product. You know you are secure because you have those icons right in front of you all day, every day. Triple Protection makes sure that those meanies never try to steal your critical data, crash your computer, or worse... make you feel dirty and used. Of course if they do, then you probably did something wrong and we are never liable.

We all know there is safety in numbers. Even nature tells us that. When you become a member of the Complete Software Suite you join a cult of like-minded people. Run with our herd and you can talk to each other about how cool you are. Image, you instantly appear smart and popular!

Freedom Factor

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Buy your freedom

You need freedom! And you can get freedom here. Feel the power and the glory for yourself. We free you from complicated techy stuff; from uncomfortable social situations, from ridiculous "standards" written up by crackpot international committees; from having to make choices; and from worry. As long as you keep paying us, we will take better care of you then your mother ever did. We promise!

Just ignore those geeks hacking away at BSD UNIX (or the little sister, Linux) for the good of mankind; claiming their brand freedom is better. pfffttt.. those counter-culture freaks are only working for themselves. Hey, everybody knows BSD is dead. Besides, have you ever tried to use any of that stuff? It is crazy complicated (creepy blinking cursor), way too hard to learn (you have to read manuals!), and it does not interact with the real world. In short: a complete waste of time.

Getting something for free does not guarantee you anything, you must buy your freedom.

And, we provide that freedom, for sale. ORDER NOW!







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